Language Conversion
WOMEN’S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = You’ll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You’re in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
10. You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think
about?
MEN’S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let’s have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I’d like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I’d like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d like to have sex with you.
11. I don’t think those shoes go with that outfit = I’m gay
Dictionary for Decoding Women’s Personal Ads:
40-ish…………………………..49.
Adventurous…………………Slept with everyone.
Athletic………………………….No breasts.
Average looking………………..Moooo.
Beautiful………………………Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure…………….On medication.
Feminist…………………………..Fat.
Free spirit……………………….Junkie.
Friendship first………………….Former slut.
New-Age……………………….Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned…………………..No BJs.
Open-minded…………………..Desperate.
Outgoing………………………Loud and Embarrassing.
Professional……………………..Bitch.
Voluptuous…………………….Very Fat.
Large frame…………………….Hugely Fat.
Wants Soul mate……………….Stalker.
Poker
I have played various forms of poker all my life. A few years back when Texas Hold’em was in it’s prime a few folks came to house and taught me how to play it. However, not playing for real money or really understanding the game lead me to just simply pass of the game and move on to something else.
Then I was invited over to a friend’s house that was having a Hold’em Tourney that had a $20 dollar buy-in and winner take all. I never played that style or even had and idea what to expect.
It didn’t take me long to figure out that when I had a great hand like flopping a full house (which I did) or trips that the 9 other people at the table couldn’t possible have any good cards that would keep them in. Yet, time and again when I had a strong hand (and I didn’t even know it) I’d get called to the river every time.
I busted out several folks and then the game turned ugly. Just by sheer observation I would fold crap hands and keep my high cards. By doing that I limited my losses but when I hit the flop I’d bet big and usually take down a pot because people were chasing straights or flushes with out knowing what the odds were. So, people started calling me a cheater and bitching about me winning. It climaxed to the point that I actually felt bad and just pushed all in on a marginal hand. I got beat and left the table.
I told myself I wouldn’t do that again. Then my nephew invited me over for a tourney he was hosting. I must say, it was 100% more pleasurable and a lot of fun. From that point on I was hooked.
I started reading articles on the internet and buying books at ½ price books. There was so much theory on a game that I though was based on nothing but luck.
Now, when I look back at the really first bad experience I realize a few things:
- By sheer chance I was playing tight by entering pots with a premium hands and folding trash hands. I had no clue this is what I was doing.
- Everyone (including myself) didn’t have a clue about how to play the game. That’s why everyone ALWAYS chased to the river.
- There were a lot of bad beats I was dishing out (and not on purpose) that everyone remember them. This put them on tilt and targeted me.
- I was completely %100 stupid for just pushing all in to get out of there.
Anyway, I have a new respect for the game and love playing. However, when starting out I had no clue what I needed to do, how to play certain situations, nothing. So, I’ve read, read, read.
I am not going to say I’m a good player because I’m not. I’m an average player who knows just a little bit more than someone who knows nothing. Yet, I will say out of the countless articles and books I’ve read, I’ve managed to pick apart basic play procedures that should help beginners out. I’ll post articles on my blog and look forward to comments and discussions about them.
Read MoreBaby
Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm
together, and then have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the
baby is born, they rush to the hospital.
A dozen babies are in the ward, eleven of whom are crying and
screaming. Over in the corner, one baby is smiling serenely.
A nurse comes by, and to the delight of the two gays she
points out the happy child as theirs.
“Isn’t it wonderful?” one gay says to the other. “All these
Unhappy babies… and yet our baby is so happy. This just proves our
love for one another.”
The nurse says, “Oh sure, he’s happy now. But just watch what
happens when we pull the pacifier out of his ass.”
Read More
