Testicle therapy

Subject: Testicle therapy

Two women were playing golf. One tee’d off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

 The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. ‘Please!!!! Please!!!! allow me to help. I’m a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me,’ she told him.

‘Oh,no, I’ll be all right. I’ll be fine in a few minutes,’ the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, ‘How does that feel’?

He replied: It feels great, but I think my thumb’s still broken…..

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Here I am playing BackLot hardcore team death match on COD4. I post up in the 2-story with the .50 caliber. I set my claymores and begin sniping the other team as they crossed in front of me.

 

An enemy player (let’s call him SirDieAlot) comes running up stairs to meet a timely demise with my claymore. I reset another one. SirDieAlot comes running up the stairs again and repeats his earlier fate.

 

I take his gun and the 3rd time he comes up stairs I shoot him with it. I move to downstairs and when he comes crawling through the window I shoot him again. This repeat behavior went on until I got my heli.

 

Then I get a message from SirDieAlot:

 

“You fucking camper”

 

A similar incident happened a day or two earlier where I got a nasty little email calling me a “Bitch Camper”.

 

Maybe I’m missing something. History tells us when the military would hold down a location it was called a strategic advantage.

 

I know this isn’t a real world military simulation it’s a video game. Yet, if an individual or a group of people could statically lock down a room or a portion of the map in COD4 then I’d call them pretty dam good tacticians.

 

Using the word “Camper” in a derogatory term is a plain stupid. I have no clue when it became demeaning or why. If you and your team cannot break a defense mechanism that the opposite team has devised there is not need to cry about it.

 

Use your head and try to find a way around it. I’ve encountered this method on numerous maps. Vacant stands out as there are only a few entrances to the office room. I have my room busting builds in reserve just in case someone pulls that tactic.

 

I honestly think the folks who bitch about “Camping” are the run-and-gun folks who are used to Quake & Halo. That mind set is if you’re not out on the map running circles around each other and jumping like rabbits then pretty much you have no game.

 

My opinion only.  I’ll keep “Camping” until you can come and keep me out of my spot.

 

 

 

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Ok, I gotta vent a little bit. This might have already been covered. If so just ignore it.

 

I got hooked on COD4 when my oldest son bought it. Needless to say he owned me from the get-go. I sucked….which is a HUGE under statement.

 

When he bought the game, I bought him xbox live and created the SpinalTrauma id. He played online for a little bit then moved on.

 

I started playing it online and loved it. However, for months on end my kill-to-death ratio was like .40   Normal score for me was around 2-10 or so. Just terrible. All my friends who played seemed to make a big deal out of this kill-to-death ratio to.  I just figured as I got better it would go up.

 

I like the death matches the most and then found my home in hardcore death matches. Through a lot of persistence I got my kill-to-death ratio up to 1.16 or around there.  I got another Xbox live account and started my own id which is BloodLossTrauma. My k2d ratio is around 1.20

 

I play the hardcore matches because I just didn’t like shooting a guy 6 times on regular mode and him not dying. Didn’t seem too realistic (like I’d know what realistic was).

 

I have developed certain play builds for specific maps. I snipe on ambush, use a stealth build with UAV jammer and silencers on overgrown.

 

And I double noob-tube starting out on bog, wetworks, and showdown.

 

Now, is tubing wrong? Seems I get railed on quite a bit for doing it. Somewhere down the line in the online world of COD4 it was deemed ok to:

 

  1. Hide in the bushes and snipe someone across the screen.
  2. Chunk random grenades an kill people on countdown and wetworks
  3. Spawn kill
  4. Camp
  5. Set claymores (like that takes any type of a skill what so ever).

 

Yet, if you break out the noob-tube you get railed on. Why?

 

I guess why I’m pissed is that my other son plays on my account from time to time. He uses my builds and strategies. However, he favors the use of the heavy machine gun.

 

While he was playing yesterday he was invited to a clan try out. He joined and was playing Bog and started off noob-tubing. He immediately got a message saying he wasn’t’ going to be allowed in the clan because he uses a noob-tube.

 

So far from my own experiences it seems that if I’m on the winning team and noob-tubing that only the losing team complains.

 

I’ve tried to listen to arguments against the use of the tube and I have yet to hear anything that suggests its use is wrong. 

 

COD4 is a strategy game. I used the tools provided in the GAME to give me what ever edge that is needed to win.

 

One of the biggest complaints I hear on a daily basis is CAMPING. I don’t ever complain about the other team camping because it’s a strategy that works. It’s called Modern Warfare not the Civil War. We don’t march in single lines down the field any more to get shot. Plus, we all camp from time to time.

 

I’ve just developed techniques to get around campers. You want to camp out in back room in Vacant. Go ahead, I’ll get in there with noob-tube build.  Works for me.

 

I was playing a game on CountDown about a month ago where the kill leader on the other team was using a G3 with a moded controller. I joined in late and we were really way behind so I started tubing. In the end we won.. my score was around 24-5 and the kill leader on the other team was just about the same.

 

In the lobby he launched in to a tirade that all his kills were with a G3 and mine was with the noob-tube.  That I need my balls cut off .. etc..etc..etc..

 

Bottom line was he lost. When I play and lose I lose. I don’t complain about someone camping or shooting me with a deagle, g3, g36, rpg or just plain ol’ knifing me.

 

IT’S A GAME! If Infinity Ward deemed tubes gave an unfair advantage they would have patched it.

 

If someone wants to argue that it’s the skill factor then that’s a mute point. Setting claymores take no skill, throwing grenades rank about .05 on the skill factor (yes throwing them sometimes takes skill). As for the tube, I can hit a sniper set up on the far end of District before he can take me out. So, there is some skill involved on aiming it.

 

So for the folks who ‘think’ they are too good or skillful for the tube .. no one is forcing you to use it. Complaining about others who use just shows you don’t know how to strategy and use a counter offensive against those who do.

 

For us folks who know how to use it… we are force to be reckoned with.  

 

As for the clan who frowns upon noob-tubes… your loss.

 

 

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Father’s Little Girl

A father  watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he  reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was.  Tears formed in his  eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of the world. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.  He went over to her to see what  work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two  spiders mating.
  
‘Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?’ she  asked.
 
‘They’re mating,’ her father replied.
  

‘What do you call the  spider on top?’ she asked.
  
‘That’s a Daddy Longlegs,’  her father answered.
  
‘So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?’  the little girl  asked.
  
As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent  question he replied ‘No dear.  Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.’
  
The  little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a  moment, then took her foot  and stomped them flat, saying:  ’Well, we’re not having any of that brokeback mountain shit in our garden.’

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