Yeah, I said it… movie critics don’t know a damn thing about movies. I decided to write this after reading two movies reviews last night. The first review was over the new Transformers movie which was trashed. The second review was over the film The Chronicles of Riddick which was also trashed.
Before I get into my trash talking I need to explain a little bit about my background. When I was around 12 years old I got into horror movies big time! It wasn’t the ‘thrill’ of being scared I was interested it. It was the how they did the special effects in the movie. Coming from a poor family my ‘movie’ watching was very limited.
VHS just took off and movie rental places soon followed. For my birthday my mom and a close family friend took upon a task to record 100s of movies for me. They had a friend at the rental place who loaned them movies and in turn they recorded them.
It was awesome needless to say. However, I had 100s of tapes with 3 movies on each tape. The bad thing was there had no movies details; you had to watch the movie to find out what it was about. Every genre was represented, martial arts, horror, sci-fi, romance, comedy and some I have no clue how to classify them.
I watched them all; the good and the bad. Good or bad, it was great. I didn’t get to watch many movies after those since going to the flicks were expensive and renting was too.
Fast forward to my first year in college in Oklahoma City. I was staying with some relative who did nothing but fight all the damn time. It was a terrible situation to be in so everyday after work and college I’d go to the Dollar Saver Cinema not far from where I was staying.
Movies for buck! It was awesome! I watched EVERYTHING!
Fast forward to the present where I have a good job making decent green. I have a huge DVD collection and hit the movies at least once a week.
Now, I’m not implying that I’m more qualified to be a ‘critic’ than these other bozos. I will say that I’m more open minded though. If you only look for bad that’s all you will find.
The purpose of a movie is to try and entertain the most people while making a decent profit. There is no other way around it. Movie companies would go broke if they consistently backed movies that only entertained a few folks and made little or no profit. Sorry, that just the way of the world.
Now, for the brainless critics. I’ve noticed a trend in how movies are critiqued by the so called movie critics. It seems, if the movie has positive buzz from advanced screening critics like Ebert or Roper, then everyone else jumps on the band wagon. Other wise, the critics rail the movie.
So, the reviews about Transformers made me laugh. Here’s a link: http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1809943432/critic
For instance Roger Ebert (who I thought was dead) railed the movie really bad. Complaining about the robots and the plot line yadda yadda yadda. Then the Boston Globe had the nerve to write “2 ½ hours of tumescence disguised as a motion picture”.
What the fuck does that mean? It gets better; Matt Pais from the Chicago Tribune says “A 150-minute simulation of life in a garbage disposal”. Yeah Matt, you would know.
As you read through these critics reviews you’ll realize how fucking ignorant these guys are. They use big words and a lot of really stupid sentences to rag on movies.
They seem to forget one thing… these movies are to entertain. Yes, Mr. Ebert we know that it might be hard to believe that a robot could come from outer space and be a semi. However, it’s also hard to believe that a city would let a caped crusader run around town yet you gave that movie an A.
I found out along time ago if I listened to critics I’d never see a decent movie in my life. I don’t know about most folks but I go to the movies to escape reality. Bring on the alien robots, the super hero in spandex, and the futuristic cyborg killers. If I want to see comedy and romance I’ll watch any of the local TV shows. There is a shit load of that programming on TV every night for free.
Critics have one major issue they cannot put them selves into a normal movie goers place. They have been tainted by all the other critics to the point it’s just a mindless game.
“Oh fuck! Rolling Stone said that movie was bad!!!…. Shit! Shit! Shit! I liked it … but if I post a review that I liked it… then I’ll be a laughing stock of the critics wash room. Then I might never get a chance to have my own movie review show! I know.. I’ll write something witty about how bad it was. God I can’t wait for it to come out on DVD!”
If critics only reviewed movies for OTHER critics then everything would be ok. That’s not the case sadly.
I will not let any critic’s judgment deter me from going to a flick.
If a critic posted a review like:
“Personally, I didn’t like the movie. The plot line was really confusing and hard to follow. The actors did a good job of acting but were placed in scenes that really didn’t add up or make sense. There was a lot of foul language and naked people. If you like that kind of stuff this movie is for you. However, parents with little kids be warned.”
However, that would be just to simple to do.