Bonesnap

Years ago when I first got married the wife and I lived in a small trailer in McAlester, Oklahoma. Our house was located on 15 acres that joined land to my in-laws. The in-laws had fenced off 10 acres and ran a few head of cattle on it.

One summer an older gentleman from California bought the land adjacent to my in-laws. He was a single older man who worked and retired in California. He owned two houses in an upper scale California suburb. He sold both of his homes in CA and moved to Oklahoma.

He had more money than he knew what to do with from the sale of his houses. He made the brilliant decision of using that extra money to purchase several buffalos and pasturing them next to my in-laws land.

Once his buffalos came in heat they would tear down my in-laws fences to get to their bull. In the process they would constantly gore my in-laws cows. We would run them out and repair the fence. This happened on a daily basis. Until finally my in-laws got sick of the situation and got the law involved.

The ‘buffalo man’ constantly said that my in-laws needed to control their bull and then his females wouldn’t come across which was quite humorous. After law enforcement officials warned him a couple of times he decided to sell the buffalos.

He had no purpose in life so he decided to work for the humane society. However, we didn’t have one out there. So, he created his own. He would take care of all stray animals, yet he did not pen them up. The buffalo man’s house faced a major highway and on a weekly basis we would see several dead dogs in the road from being hit by passing cars.

We all tried to talk to him but he had his mind set on how he was going to do things.

A few weeks by and we didn’t see him or his dogs out side. I guess if I was a good neighbor I would have went to check on him. However, I never did.  Well, one of other neighbors was a mechanic and the buffalo man had dropped his car off to him for repairs.

Several weeks went by and the buffalo man never picked up his car from  George (the mechanic). George went up to his house to check on him. Seems the buffalo man took all 30 or so dogs in the house at bed time like he always did. However, the buffalo man died that night in his sleep. At least that’s what the papers published.

For almost two weeks, 30 or so dogs were locked in a house with no food. When the police and paramedics arrived, the dogs had gnawed off his hands, feet, face, and other parts of his body. In turn, they had to be put down.

Long live the buffalo man.

Years ago when I first started consulting I had to fly back and forth from Dallas to New York. At the end of the week in New York, I returned to the airport to learn my return flight had been canceled. American Airlines was good to me, they booked me another flight on Delta that left in about an hour later than my original flight.

When the time came, I boarded a small regional jet with maybe 25 people on it. We took off, reached cruising altitude, and the stewardess started delivering drinks. In my travels when a plane is near empty everyone seems to be friendlier and more chatty.  Everyone was talking and drinking sodas when something bad happened.

The plane went thought some type of air pocket. We dropped about 1000 feet in less than a second. Two things occur when this happens: 1. Every thing that isn’t tied, taped, buckled, glued down goes straight to the ceiling. This included all liquids, bodies, luggage, etc. 2. When the plane levels out, everything that is on the ceiling will crash into the floor.

My soda went all over my chest and face and so did the lady who was setting directly in front of me. All the passengers were buckled in thank god. However, the stewardess was not. She flew straight up and slammed into the ceiling of the plane. Everyone looked on in horror as the plane leveled out and she slammed back into the floor.

Everyone was afraid to move since we had no clue what just happened. The stewardess was in the floor next to me and another passenger. We helped her up out of the  floor and she took a seat across from us.  At first she seemed ok and was just a little bit shaken.

However, as a plane settled and the pilot came on the radio she broke down. She started crying and shaking uncontrollably. The passengers did their best to calm her and pilot came and talked to her. Later the pilot came on the air to announce that every will remain buckled and seated the rest of the flight and that included the stewardess.

We landed with out any more issues and de-boarded the plane. At that point I decided not to fly delta any more. It wasn’t because of the accident, or the lady getting hurt, or even spilling stuff on my shirt. Shit happens. However, There was not one Delta rep to show up at our gate to check on us or the stewardess.

Seems I forgot to put together a post for this week so if this one seems thrown together then forgive me.

In my profession flying from job site to job site was a weekly habit. It was so ‘habitual’ that a lot of the experiences I had during flying I didn’t consider them anything to write home about. Yet, like all other road warriors I do have a few situations that stand out.

Years ago I bored a flight heading from Chicago to Indianapolis. In those days every flight was always overbooked. Being a consultant, I was bound by my company’s code of conduct which meant I had to fly in coach. Coach back then was always cramped compared to the seat of aircraft today. In present time the seats have been made a little wider and spaced just  little further apart.  

I’m crammed in the middle seat between to large men when I seen this guy heading down the aisle. He’s hunched over as he made his way to an open seat a few rows in front of me.

This man was 7 foot 7 inch NBA player Manute Bol. It was a sight to see the tallest man in the NBA try to sit in a coach seat where my 6 foot frame had issues. His knees came up past the tray table, his head nearly touched the over head compartments.

Seems that he got bumped from first class and now had to sit with us. He didn’t argue or complain or make a scene, he just took his seat.

However, a few minutes later a attendant came back and took him to an open spot in First Class. I didn’t see him again until baggage claim. In the sea of hundreds of people waiting for baggage it’s pretty  easy to spot a 7 foot 7 inch person.

For those of you who might not know – ‘turn down’ service in a hotel chains pretty much consist of some one coming into your room and flipping your sheets down and most the time placing some inedible chocolate or mint on your pillow.

To me, it’s one of the most dumbest things in the world. To actually have someone do that is beyond me. However, some patrons really like it or there wouldn’t be such a service.

One of my consulting gigs required me to spend several months in Foster City, CA. I stayed at a really nice Crowne Plaza that was next to the bay which happens to have a turn-down service. I usually spend 95% of my off time in my hotel room and on this trip I brought my guitar.

Even through I suck playing I like the electric guitar. I couldn’t carry an amp in my luggage so I brought a Pandora’s box. A Pandora ‘s box in it’s simplest form is a pocket amplifier that you can plug your guitar and headphones in so you can practice without disturbing everyone else. It has A LOT more functions but I just used the personal amp settings.

I woke up one morning and was really sick. I called the office and told them I’d be staying at the hotel today and if they needed me just ring me. I slept most of the day away and woke up late that evening. I a lot felt better and took a shower.

When I travel I get a room with two single beds instead of one big bed. I put arrange my cloths and guitar on one bed and I sleep in the other.  When I got out of the shower I went to dried off and went to put my clothes on. 

Well, since I think I have ADD, I seen my guitar and grabbed it. I sat down in the chair next to the bed , put in my earphones, and started playing the guitar…. Naked.  I’m not sure if this is considered deviant behavior or not but since I was in MY hotel room, I’ll assume it’s not.  Heck, I think people sleeping in the buff is deviant behavior.

Like all starting guitar players I had developed the bad habit of looking at my hands while playing. When I finished my song and I looked up to see that the young lady who does the turn down server was standing in my room by the door.

At that exact moment I realized two very important things:

1. That safety latch on the hotel door is not there for looks.
2. It only takes about 2.5 seconds to put on a pair of boxers.  Unfortunately, there were on my bed out of my reach.

I pulled of my head phones and the lady asked me “Turn down service?”.  Really, do you have to ask? You walk into a patron’s hotel room where they are sitting down naked and you have to ask that question?

I just replied, “No thank you.” And she left.

In hind sight, I should have just kept playing my guitar and see how long it took her to leave.

I like machinima. I like making machinima. Some folks call it silly and immature but I find it very interesting. Over the past year I’ve been playing around with it so I could create little video shorts to post on my YouTube channel.

I was looking for a new idea for a machinima when FOL hit me. What is FOL you might ask? It’s an online community that can be found at www.friscoonline.com which I’ve been a part of for years.

Last year, I seen some really good threads on FOL that I thought would be great for a small movie. However, it’s a lot more difficult than I ever thought it would be. So, I decided to go a different path which led to the creation of the machinima below.

Just remember, this is all in good fun in an effort to try and produce something funny. It’s nothing personal at all.

There is a catch, unless your member of FOL you won’t get the ‘humor’ in this.