Bonesnap

For those of you who might not know – ‘turn down’ service in a hotel chains pretty much consist of some one coming into your room and flipping your sheets down and most the time placing some inedible chocolate or mint on your pillow.

To me, it’s one of the most dumbest things in the world. To actually have someone do that is beyond me. However, some patrons really like it or there wouldn’t be such a service.

One of my consulting gigs required me to spend several months in Foster City, CA. I stayed at a really nice Crowne Plaza that was next to the bay which happens to have a turn-down service. I usually spend 95% of my off time in my hotel room and on this trip I brought my guitar.

Even through I suck playing I like the electric guitar. I couldn’t carry an amp in my luggage so I brought a Pandora’s box. A Pandora ‘s box in it’s simplest form is a pocket amplifier that you can plug your guitar and headphones in so you can practice without disturbing everyone else. It has A LOT more functions but I just used the personal amp settings.

I woke up one morning and was really sick. I called the office and told them I’d be staying at the hotel today and if they needed me just ring me. I slept most of the day away and woke up late that evening. I a lot felt better and took a shower.

When I travel I get a room with two single beds instead of one big bed. I put arrange my cloths and guitar on one bed and I sleep in the other.  When I got out of the shower I went to dried off and went to put my clothes on. 

Well, since I think I have ADD, I seen my guitar and grabbed it. I sat down in the chair next to the bed , put in my earphones, and started playing the guitar…. Naked.  I’m not sure if this is considered deviant behavior or not but since I was in MY hotel room, I’ll assume it’s not.  Heck, I think people sleeping in the buff is deviant behavior.

Like all starting guitar players I had developed the bad habit of looking at my hands while playing. When I finished my song and I looked up to see that the young lady who does the turn down server was standing in my room by the door.

At that exact moment I realized two very important things:

1. That safety latch on the hotel door is not there for looks.
2. It only takes about 2.5 seconds to put on a pair of boxers.  Unfortunately, there were on my bed out of my reach.

I pulled of my head phones and the lady asked me “Turn down service?”.  Really, do you have to ask? You walk into a patron’s hotel room where they are sitting down naked and you have to ask that question?

I just replied, “No thank you.” And she left.

In hind sight, I should have just kept playing my guitar and see how long it took her to leave.

I like machinima. I like making machinima. Some folks call it silly and immature but I find it very interesting. Over the past year I’ve been playing around with it so I could create little video shorts to post on my YouTube channel.

I was looking for a new idea for a machinima when FOL hit me. What is FOL you might ask? It’s an online community that can be found at www.friscoonline.com which I’ve been a part of for years.

Last year, I seen some really good threads on FOL that I thought would be great for a small movie. However, it’s a lot more difficult than I ever thought it would be. So, I decided to go a different path which led to the creation of the machinima below.

Just remember, this is all in good fun in an effort to try and produce something funny. It’s nothing personal at all.

There is a catch, unless your member of FOL you won’t get the ‘humor’ in this.

So if you read my last post you’ll remember I was in Denver, Colorado doing some consulting work. It was the middle of the week and I was following my daily routine. I woke up, showered, got ready for work, walked through the hotel lobby, get in my car and head to the office.

This particular morning while I was walking through the hotel lobby I spotted at least five police officers milling around. Since I have the ‘don’t give a shit attitude’ I really didn’t give a shit why. I went to my car and seen several cop cars patrolling the parking lot.

Of course in my mind, I’m thinking “Oh man, I bet some gay dude was hitting on men in the elevator and someone killed him!” . However, I made it to work and the whole cop drama left my mind. Work went by pretty quick and I was back at the hotel and this time there were twice as many cops in the lobby and parking lot.

I went to my room, changed cloths, grabbed my USA Today, and headed across the street to Wendy’s for dinner (I know .. pretty sad isn’t it). I finished up dinner and came back to the hotel.

I was walking to the elevator and passed two police officers going the opposite direction. It was a man and women officer. I took note that both of them were maybe 5’1 or 5’2 at the most. Figured their career in law enforcement was due to ‘short man syndrome’. As, I passed them I did my customary ‘head nod’ and kept walking.

Right before I get to the elevator I hear this ‘jingling of metal’ sound. I knew what it was because I’ve heard it before. It was the sound of officers running and all their cuffs and metal gear on their belts jingling around. It’s a pretty unique sound. I have a lot of police friends that I used to eat lunch with while they were on duty. And it never failed, they’d get a emergency call and take off running.

Then I hear ‘HEY YOU! STOP”. I turn around and these two officers were run full bore at ME! They had their hands on the gun hostler ready to draw. Now, there is one issue that I have since talked to my officer friends and wife about.

Regardless of what you know or think you know, the first thing that popped into my mind was “RUN!” Even though I had absolutely no reason to flee I wanted too. I can’t explain why. In hindsight I should have because I always wondered if these to small officers could have taken me down.  I can see where anyone else who has any type of criminal history will run regardless.

Back to my story, so I stop and waited for the officers to get to me. The little guy pushed me up against the wall and handcuffs me.

So I ask “What’s going on?”. My question was ignored and I was asked what my name is. I told them my name and I asked again, “What’s going on?”, “Why am I handcuffed?”.

I was thinking to my self, “Yep.  Someone killed the gay dude from the elevator and now I’m a suspect.”.  They told me to “Claim down”. At this point I’m getting pissed. I’m not sure what my “rights” are but I’m under the impression that I have to be informed why I’m being detained against my will. So, I told the lady officer,  “It’s easy for you to tell me to claim down. Your not the one in cuffs up against a wall.” The short officer asked me “You have any I.D.?” and I told him “Yeah, it’s in my wallet.”

I kid you not,  he asks “Can you get it for me?” I guess he forgot I was handcuffed up against the wall. I told him “Not at the moment,  I have handcuffs on.”

So, this little bastard took my wallet out of my back pocket and started going through it. He then called his partner over there and they were looking at my picture and talking. At this point I’m lost, I have no clue what the hell is going on.

After a few minutes the woman officer un-cuffed me. The little guy handed my wallet back and apologized for the situation. They inform me that a wanted fugitive with multiple felonies who is considered very dangerous has been spotted in the hotel this week.  That explains all the officers in the parking lot and lobby. The officer informs me that I look just like the suspect.

Yeah, right, I figured it was just some over zealous officers quick to grab anyone. Then the little guy says here look for yourself.

I look at the wanted poster of the criminal and nearly fell over. If I had a identical twin, this guy was it.

If I was in the officers place I’d arrested me. I’m surprised that I wasn’t pulled over or arrested already.

To make matters worse this little ‘show’ happened in the lobby of the hotel. From that point on every time I walked through the lobby everyone would shut up and just stare at me.

Next time I go, I think I’ll stay in a Hilton.

During one of my glorious consulting assignments I was working in Denver, CO for about six months. Denver is a very pretty place and in my opinion has one of the best airports I’ve ever flown out of. I was staying downtown in very nice Marriot Hotel. I have been shacked up in this hotel for quite some time now.

I’m a creature of habit and I do not stray far from my hotel. After work, I grabbed the complementary copy of USA Today left in my room and walked across the street to Wendy’s.  Just a quick note: when you travel if you want everyone to know your from out of town, read a USA Today. Anyway, it was late around 8 or 9 Pm. I finished up my double order of chicken nuggets and headed back to my hotel room.

My room was on the 7^th floor and entered the elevator in the lobby when another gentleman, from his looks had just come from the gym also entered the elevator. On the way to my room he started a conversation:

“What’s up?”- him

“Not much.”-me

“Same here.”-him

“Just finished lunch. Going to go watch some T.V.”-me

“You want some company?”-him

I am a very witty man. However, at this particular time I was at a loss for words. “Do I want some company?” – What kind of fucking question is that? You’re a dude! Dudes don’t ask each other if they want company in a hotel room! OMG, what to I do!

Was he gay? No clue but I figured he was. He might have just wanted some companionship and nothing in the ‘gay’ realm. However, through some type of ‘heterosexual’ imprinting my body went into the ‘flight or fight’ response.  Let me tell you now, there was no ‘fight’ in there. It was all ‘flight’. I wanted to get the hell out of there with the LEAST amount of physical contact.

I finally responded with a “ No thanks.”  I stuck my head in the corner of the elevator and was hoping to god that he wasn’t on the same floor as I. After what seems like hours I got off on my floor and he went to a different one.

The next thing I did must have been one of the most stupidest things I’ve ever done in my life.

I called my wife and told her.

After 30 minutes of pure laughter she claimed down enough to tell me that she would have to call me back.  Yeah, that was after she called and messaged all her friends. It wasn’t long after that I started getting all kinds of calls and text messages from friends and family ragging on me. 

Needless to say, that little incident has provided more than it’s fair share of laughter through out the years.

Diversity

I was told by a friend that I need to post more of ‘life’ type of a stories. This is my attempt to do that.

I have worked in IT all my life. During the internet bust several years back I found my self unemployed. I managed to land a job right away doing consulting work for a utility company in Connecticut. In summary, the utility company had installed some software that my previous employer had created.  Now, they needed some help with it.

The IT field is a melting pot for diversity. You will the encounter all types of races, religions, people.  Nothing prepared me for the diversity I’d encounter in Hartford, Connecticut.

I showed up  to the office to meet a young team lead named “Josh”.  I quickly learned that “Josh” was suffering from the most severe case of ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). He was so off the charts that I later found out he was not allowed to have any products that had caffeine or sugar in them.

However, that wasn’t the ‘diverse’ part about Josh. You see, Josh had a tick. Josh would constantly rub his nose.  Not once a minute, not twice a minute, it was more in realm of 15-20 times a minute. I thought at first he just had a cold or maybe just had a booger that he couldn’t’ get out.

However, that wasn’t the case. I know this tick was harmless, think of how distracting it is when your team lead is showing a presentation and all you see is his hand rubbing his face all the time. I also, didn’t want to shake his hand.

Josh took me to meet the rest of the team. The next individual I met (can’t remember his name) was in control of the software that does the daily builds. Josh, introduced us and I started talking about the complex and asking what type of equipment they use, etc. The guy just looked at me like I was stupid. That was when Josh told me to that I needed to look him in the face.

This guy was deaf. I had to look him in the face because  he could read my lips. This again made meetings really hard. When everyone spoke they had to look him in the face so he could read. It was really awkward because I never just look at one person when I give status or speak in front of a group.

After finishing up with the deaf guy Josh took me to meet one other member of his team. I went around to a cubical where this guy was seated in a chair that was really high in the air. I didn’t pay much attention to it at first. Josh introduced us (I forgot his name too) and I went to shake his hand. They guy said “I don’t think you want to do that”.

That’s when I realized this guy had no hands. For that matter he had no arms. He programmed with his feet. He did everything with his feet. His chair was high off the ground so he could type on his desk with his feet.

So when we had a team meeting there was a guy who always rubbed his nose, a man taking notes with his feet, and another man who couldn’t hear and would look at you like a hawk if you spoke.