Baby
Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm
together, and then have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the
baby is born, they rush to the hospital.
A dozen babies are in the ward, eleven of whom are crying and
screaming. Over in the corner, one baby is smiling serenely.
A nurse comes by, and to the delight of the two gays she
points out the happy child as theirs.
“Isn’t it wonderful?” one gay says to the other. “All these
Unhappy babies… and yet our baby is so happy. This just proves our
love for one another.”
The nurse says, “Oh sure, he’s happy now. But just watch what
happens when we pull the pacifier out of his ass.”
Read MoreSniffer
A man is sitting next to the window in an airliner, which is about to take
off, when another man with a Labrador Retriever sits down in the two empty
seats alongside him.
The Lab is situated in the middle, and the first man is looking
quizzically at the dog when the second man explains that they work
for the airline.
The dog’s handler said, “Don’t mind Sniffer… he’s a “sniffing” dog,
The best there is; I’ll show you once we get airborne when I put him to
work.”
The plane takes off and levels out when the handler says to the first
man, “Watch this.” He tells the dog, “Sniffer, search.”
Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and sits next to a woman
For a few seconds. He then returns to his seat and puts one paw on the
handler’s arm. His master pats him on the head and tells him “Gooood
boy!”
The handler turns to the first man and says, “That woman is in
possession of marijuana, so I’m making a note of this and her seat
number for the police, who will apprehend her on arrival.”
That’s unbelievable!” replies the first man.
Once again the handler sends Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab
sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to
its seat, and places two paws on the handler’s arm.
The handler says, “That man is carrying cocaine, so again I’m making
A note of this and the seat number.”
Amazing!” says the first man.
A third time the handler sends Sniffer to search the aisles. Sniffer
goes up and down the plane and after a while sits down next to
someone. He then comes racing back, jumps up onto his seat, and craps all over the
place.
The first man is really grossed out by this behavior from a
Supposedly well-trained sniffing dog and asks, “What the hell was that all
about?”
The handler nervously replies, “Sniffer just found a bomb…”
Read MoreIs this 486-5731?
He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead.”
Ugly People
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. As they stand at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Paradise and meet their maker, God decides to grant each person one wish because of the grief they have experienced.
They’re all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. “I want to be gorgeous,” and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.
The second one in line hears this and says “I want to be gorgeous too” Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while with each one asking to be gorgeous, but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in the line starts laughing.
When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his head off.
Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy eventually calms down and says:
“Make ‘em all ugly again.”
Read More
