Lawn Mower DUI
This by far one of the best Police videos I have ever seen!
Kind of reminds me of home.
Read MoreTesticle therapy
Subject: Testicle therapy
Two women were playing golf. One tee’d off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. ‘Please!!!! Please!!!! allow me to help. I’m a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me,’ she told him.
‘Oh,no, I’ll be all right. I’ll be fine in a few minutes,’ the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, ‘How does that feel’?
He replied: It feels great, but I think my thumb’s still broken…..
Read MoreFather’s Little Girl
A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of the world. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
‘Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?’ she asked.
‘They’re mating,’ her father replied.
‘What do you call the spider on top?’ she asked.
‘That’s a Daddy Longlegs,’ her father answered.
‘So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?’ the little girl asked.
As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied ‘No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.’
The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat, saying: ’Well, we’re not having any of that brokeback mountain shit in our garden.’
Dating
The mother of a 17 year old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex.
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family’s status,
she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very wilful and any attempt to stop
the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter
to be put on birth control and until then. talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her
about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. The girl burst out laughing
and reached over to hug her mother saying: “Oh Mom! You don’t have to worry
about that! I’m dating Susan!”
