Bonesnap

FYI: this is an older post that was moved from my myspace.com account.

 

I can’t even begin to describe how horrible this movie was! 10 minutes into this movie I trying to find any excuse to get up and get out. If you go online and read the movie reviews you will see the critics loved this movie.

“Christian Bale was in his best role ever!“, “Christian Bale can act and be just about anyone!“

Is this enough to say a movie was good? As an actor, if you make a character in movie come to ‘life’ does that make the movie worth watching? Fuck no. Geeze… King Kong played his role well, however the movie was too lonnnnggg. No mater how much icing Bale puts on his character in the movie, it’s still a turd. It’s just now a turd with icing.

 

The premises of the movie… I’m not sure really what it was. It seems this ex-army ranger (Bale) makes one super fucking huge mistake after another. And he drags his friend along for the joy ride. Some of the reviews were stating “It’s about time that someone showed how life is in East L.A.”

So, what you’re telling me, that it’s common for a hottie (Eva Longiora) to spend all day at work earning a living while her husband is out bar hopping, going to Mexico, and selling stolen weapons all day? Hmm.. Sign me up!

I’ll try not to spoil the ending… Bale dies. Only issue with this, he should have been killed 20 minutes into the movie.

FYI: this is an older post that was moved from my myspace.com account.
What can I say, this movie blowed. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a ‘bad’ movie, just not my type of movie. The fight is the only good part of any Rocky flick and that was only the last 10 minutes of the whole movie. The other 100 minutes of the movie was about Rocky trying to reconnect with his kid and trying to get past the death of his wife. Hell, it’s been years, EVERYONE has gotten past her death! come on Rocky, get over with it already. And as for parents trying to get back in their kids life, when they need money, they well come around.. they always do. Over all, if you’re on a date and want to see some emotionally 60 year old man cry, this is your type of movie.

FYI: this post is an older post that was moved from my myspace.com account.

 

This movie was flat out weird. However, I liked it. In short the premise of the movie was that a $1 million dollar bounty was put out on a mob snitch. Seven professional hitmen travels to Lake Tahoe in an attempt to collect. Just out of curiosity, is there such a thing as ‘Un-Professional” hitmen? (just wondering). Anyway, the movie tries to give each group of hitmen (and the two hit-women) ample screen time. However, it’s done very crappy. Also, the ending is pretty shitty too. However, the amount of gun fire and blood shed in the last 30 minutes of the flick more than makes up for it.  There is one scene in the movie that involves a 10 year only karate kid wanna-be total classic. The movie is worth watching just for the five minutes he’s in it.

FYI: this post was moved from my myspace.com account. It’s an older post.

 

Ok, we have a sequel to a movie that was a remake of an earlier film. Everyone follow that?

Premise: A group of soldiers in training at the Yuma flats nuclear testing grounds get stranded in remote location. That ‘remote’ location is filled with flesh eating, army hating, drool-dripping mutants. It doesn’t take long before the mutants start hunting and killing the soldiers. Well, that’s not entirely true, the mutants like to kill the guys but keep the chicks for breeding purposes. Sounds like my kind of mutants!

 

If you have ever watched Wrong Turn, The Hills Have Eyes 1, or House of Wax, then you have seen this movie. Same shit, different movie.

 

Me, I like movies in this genre, yet this one was just plain boring. Nothing really separated it from the first The Hills Have Eyes. I will say, if I was the Army, I’d be rather pissed. These soldiers were the worst trained people I’ve ever seen in my life. It’s no wonder they all (well almost all) died.

 

Let’s me put this in perspective. Here is a scenario from the movie:

 

I am a soldier and I just arrived at camp in middle of canyon (surrounded by these Hills). My co and company leaves me and my buddy here to watch the camp, while they go on a hike through the hills. 

I’m a complete dumbass… I never question “WHY” there isn’t anyone at the camp.

My buddy goes to the port-a-potty and comes out screaming like a little bitch.

I, LEAVE my gun on the table where I was sitting and run to his aid. Now, I’m a complete fucking idiot! I am pretty sure that basic training taught me to always keep my weapon with me. Guess I’m too stupid to remember that.

My buddy and I find a scientist missing from camp shoved into the shitter. So it takes BOTH of us to help him, all the while someone or something sets my truck on fire AND steals both our weapons. I think I should get a medal or something! 

The scientist dies so I decide, “FUCK THIS!” I’m running up and into the hills alone and with out any type of weapon. I’m sure WHO ever did this would be standing out in the open where I can see them and not hiding behind these huge ass rocks.

I go about ¼ mile into the hills and decide that I better turn around and yell back as loud as I can to my buddy. I know every living organism between here and Texas can hear me. However, I’m pretty confident that if anyone is going to attack me, they will not be able to find me. Also, I know that as long as I keep my back to the Hills where I can’t see anything sneaking up on me, I will be perfectly safe.

 

 

That’s just one part of the movie. So, let’s say there are mutants living in hills and me and my Army Unit that just got sent to that exact same camp. This is how it would have went down.

.

Upon arriving at the empty camp.

CO: “Where the fuck is every body?”

CO: “Private Cruise & Stapp, go check the tents and see if you can anyone.”

Privates: “Yes sir!”

CO, talking to the other group still in the truck: “We were sent here to drop off supplies. Get the fucking truck unloaded so we can get the fuck out of this shit hole.”

Company: “Yes sir!”

Cruise and Stapp search the camp and returns to inform the CO.

Privates: “CO, camp is empty.”

CO: “Goddammit! You’d think if they requested something they’d fucking be here to get it!”.

Privates: “We did find this busted walkie.”

CO: “OMG! A fucking busted walkie! Let’s call out the full goddamn armed forces!”

CO: “Get your ass back in the truck!”

Company: “CO, all the equipment is unloaded.”

CO: “Good. Let’s blow this shit hole. Everyone load up.”

Private Cruise: “CO, what about everyone that is missing?”

CO: “Shut the fuck up Cruise! They are out doing experiments or what the fuck ever scientists do.”

Private Stapp: “What about that reflection on the Hill sir? Is that an emergency beacon or someone flashing for help?”

CO: “Stapp, you say one more stupid fucking thing I’m going to shoot you in the face. That just a goddam reflection. It’s most likely one of the scientist fucking some mountain goat in the corn hole. Now shut up and let’s move out”

 

I think that would be a more likely flow of events. But hey, that’s just me.

FYI: this post was moved from my myspace.com account. It’s an older post.

 

Premise: A guy investigates his wife’s murder that seemed to involve a dummy and a legend about a ventriloquist that was also murdered.

 

 

I had high expectations about this movie. For me, all these slasher & mutant flicks are just getting old.

 

So, here we have a movie that involves a bunch of creepy dolls. I don’t know about the rest of you, but ever since that clown doll from Poltergeist tried to kill that little kid, scary movies with dolls just creep me out.

 

 

You might say Chuckie from Child’s play was great. I’ll have to disagree. We all knew that chucky was possessed. We knew what he was gonna do. That clown.. that’s a whole other level of fright.

 

 

Now saying that, I expected a lot of scary shit from Dead Silence. It just didn’t deliver. Ever thing is really predictable. What is sad is the movie had all the elements it needed to deliver some really good scares. It just fails at it.

 

 

Not to give the movie away… but just from the previews and the first few minutes of the movie, I knew the basic story line of the movie. Some old hag who played with dolls got blamed for a murder. She was hunted down, made to scream, then her tongue was cut out and she was killed.

 

So, you pretty much know that’s she hunting down the people and their descendants that were responsible for the murder.

 

 

Hence, that’s why his wife was killed. However, the ‘mood’ is never set in the movie. For instance, the movie starts with the happy couple getting a package in the mail with no return address.

They open it up and low and behold a very old dummy! Well, they laugh and make jokes and play with the damn thing.

 

The husband leaves to get some grub. His wife gets killed. He comes home…… he HEARD her calling him into the bedroom where he finds her murdered. Hmmmmmm I’d find that strange.

 

 

He decided to investigate… and takes the dummy on a road trip back home. I don’t know about most folks… but getting a fucked up doll and then my wife dying in the same night… I’d find it a bit strange.

 

The doll had “buddy” inscribed on its neck.

 

Well, I would be ripping “buddy’s” arms and legs off and using them for kindling. I’d be drilling some holes in his wooden head and using it for a ash-tray.

Anyway, the movie drags on and on and on.

 

All the while everyone is toting around this dummy. There are some parts that are creepy, the dummy moving his eyes around and staring at stuff.

 

However, the dolls were used very rarely. It was pretty much focused on the ghost of the owner.

 

You always knew she was coming because all the external noises would stop. You could only hear you’re self. She’d jump out and try to scare you into screaming. If you screamed… she’d rip your tongue and jaw off. So, pretty much this old bitch was always trying to creep up on someone.

 

 

I was thinking to myself, just close your eyes. If you can’t see something your a lot less likely to scream. Hell, if worse comes to worse just cut your own tongue out. I don’t think you would die then.

 

I wonder what she would do? She’d be like what the fuck? Heck, what if you were deaf… you’d never know she was coming. You wouldn’t be able to scream anyway. 

 

Sooo, I wasn’t a big fan of the movie.

 

I do pose this question… if anyone goes and see’s this movie.. please please please shoot me an email explaining the very ending. I just didn’t get that part.