Dating

Posted by Ironspike on Jul 28, 2008 in Jokes | 0 comments

The mother of a 17 year old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex.
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family’s status,
she consulted the family doctor.
 
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very wilful and any attempt to stop
the girl would probably result in rebellion.  He then told her to arrange for her daughter
to be put on birth control and until then. talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
 
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her
about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.  The girl burst out laughing
and reached over to hug her mother saying: “Oh Mom! You don’t have to worry
about that!  I’m dating Susan!”
 

Atheist

Posted by Ironspike on Jul 20, 2008 in Jokes | 0 comments

An atheist was walking through the woods.  

‘What majestic trees’!  

‘What powerful rivers’!

‘What beautiful animals’!

He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. 
  
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.

He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.                                

At that instant the Atheist cried out, ‘Oh my God!’

Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.  ’You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don’t exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.’ ‘Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer’?  
The atheist looked directly into the light, ‘It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian’?

‘Very Well,’ said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:

‘Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.’

Pancakes

Posted by Ironspike on Jul 18, 2008 in Jokes | 0 comments

Brenda and Steve took their six year old son to the doctor.  With some hesitation,
they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they
were concerned about his rather small penis.
 
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, “Just feed him pancakes.
That should solve the problem.”
 
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of
warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
 
“Gee,  Mom,” he exclaimed.  “For me?”
 
“Just take two,”  Brenda replied.  “The rest are for your father.”

Church

Posted by Ironspike on Jul 16, 2008 in Jokes | 0 comments

A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the Preacher’s
hand.  He said: “Preacher, I’ll tell you, that was a damned fine serman. Damned good!”
 
The Preacher said, “Thank you Sir, but I’d rather you didn’t use profanity.”
 
The man said, “I was so damned impressed with that serman I put five thousand
dollars in the offering plate!”
 
The Preacher said, “No shit!”